Trauma & Insecurity are the true Saboteurs of Relationships

There’s this popular assumption out there that whenever something goes wrong in our relationships, we have to blame ourselves.

Trauma & Insecurity are the true Saboteurs of Relationships

Why did I do or say that? What’s wrong with me? Why can’t I ever say the right thing? We tend to take these self-deprecating questions at face value and dwell on them, but we don’t often question the underlying cause of them — trauma and insecurity. That may be because these experiences are so difficult to talk about, but it doesn’t make them any less powerful in the way they shape our interactions with others.

Are you really ready for a relationship?

Most people go into a relationship when they feel lonely and need someone to cling to. But in reality, we don’t often know what it is that we want out of a relationship; most times, we don’t even realize when something is off in our own or in someone else’s relationships.

When you enter a new relationship, consider whether your partner has similar values or goals as you do. If he or she doesn’t—and you still think that person is worthy of your time—ask yourself if there are other things about them that will allow you both to compromise on these issues without creating long-term problems for your relationship? Another thing to consider: Is there any history between you and your new partner?

Are you too needy?

If you’re afraid that you need too much from your partner, take a hard look at yourself. Do you ask them to complete all of your needs? Are you afraid to say how much your need them because it’s too scary to risk not having them? If so, then stop assuming that it’s just one little thing.

Instead, work on being more vulnerable with them and seeing what happens. Remember: No one is perfect and there will be times when they let you down or simply can’t give as much as you need right then in that moment.

Are you sabotaging your relationships?

Are you sabotaging your relationships?
Are you sabotaging your relationships?

  • Even if you think you’re a decent human being, it doesn’t mean that your relationship habits aren’t causing problems.
  • After all, there’s a reason why relationship expert has become a viable career path.
  • The truth is, our habits and behaviours have huge effects on our relationships.
  •  Sometimes we don’t even realize it until something goes wrong or we see how different things could be with just a little bit of fine-tuning.
  • To make sure you're not sabotaging your relationship right now, ask yourself these five questions: Are your feelings and actions in line with each other? Are they too extreme or two easily swayed? Do they help or hinder your life together?

Would you ever cheat on your partner?

According to a 2009 survey conducted by psychologists at UCLA, a quarter of all men and one in five women have fantasized about cheating on their partner. But while you might be tempted, cheating on your partner is never something you should consider doing.

Not only would it destroy your relationship—and possibly cause your partner great emotional harm—but it could also ruin your own reputation in an instant. Cheating destroys not only trust but also respect, something that's integral to every healthy relationship.

Why can't you find love?

Fear. No, not fear that you won't find love; that's not it at all. It's a deeper type of fear—one you're probably familiar with but don't recognize as such: a pervasive, unexamined sense of insecurities and worries about yourself.

These fears don't surface often, because when they do we usually realize what's going on and manage to put our doubts aside for long enough to enjoy life. When it comes to dating, however, those same fears rise up out of nowhere and throw off your ability to connect with someone new or feel comfortable with a person who is close to you. Here are 5 ways to get over these negative thoughts

Are setting yourself up for failure with your relationships?

It’s easy to feel like your relationship is falling apart when you aren’t getting what you want. It can be tempting to blame your partner for his or her actions, but in reality, it’s often not that simple.

Many people have emotional wounds from childhood or past relationships that influence their behavior in their current ones.

Your negative behavior may be self-destructive rather than destructive toward your partner. If you want to improve your current situation, start by recognizing any patterns in your own behaviors and take steps toward addressing them before they do more damage than good.

SOURCE : Yasoquiz

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